


Moon is You

by tomogatchii (orphan_account)



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Budding Romance, Childhood Trauma, Fluff, M/M, Mention of blood, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-11
Updated: 2019-09-11
Packaged: 2020-10-14 12:09:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20600555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/tomogatchii
Summary: After a car accident in their teen years left Jooheon dealing with some trauma, Changkyun, guilt-ridden, left. Now that Changkyun is older, his sense of responsibility and loyalty brings him back to Jooheon to make up for the lost time and maybe to reveal something deeper within himself.





	Moon is You

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Reposting from Tumblr! Hope you all like it, it was one of the longest projects I've ever truly worked on and one of the longest stories I've ever written! There are a few grammatical errors in the second half but please ignore them lol the story should still roll pretty smoothly. Please, enjoy!

Changkyun rocks against every movement of the highspeed traveling train. Above him, his bag slides and shakes with every curve and bump of the tracks. For the fourth time, Changkyun checks his phone nervously and for the fourth time, time only moved so fast.

He didn’t move too far from home. Only a good six-hour drive depending on traffic. But Changkyun didn’t have a car. He didn’t have money to afford one, not after college and all the money he saved to take this trip.

Changkyun checks the time again. It was nearly eight and the sun was starting to set. He left somewhere around two and had to switch trains a few times which held him back a little but if his calculations were correct, he should get there before nine.

His body was starting to feel a little stiff after all the sitting and waiting but hopefully, all of this would be worth it. He expected nothing but the worse, but he had to do this. He owed it to him. He owed this to himself.

Before he knew it, his eyes slip closed and his body slumps against the uncomfortable train seats.

A hand touches Changkyun’s shoulders and he wakes up with a start, also startling the young worker.

“Sorry to wake you, sir,” the man says, “This is the last stop before we turn back.”

“Oh,” Changkyun mumbles as he adjusts himself. He’s here.

Changkyun thanks the young man and grabs his case from the carriers above him. He didn’t pack much. He didn’t have much anyway. He looks at his bag, the initials “YKH” was embroidered into the front right corner in a small fancy font. Who was he kidding? This bag wasn’t even his. He left everything he truly owned here and if it weren’t for those two kind souls that took him in, gave him a job and sent him to school... where would he be now?

Changkyun could really go for a cup of coffee or maybe even a cigarette at this point. Anything that could take the edge off. Anything that could take this weight off of his shoulders, the drag of guilt deep in his chest and the embarrassment that burns his cheeks. Anything.

The air hadn’t changed since he left. It was the same fresh and suffocating air before he disappeared, much different from the bustling city he had gotten used to. It was quiet at the station and the street lights were already on, the dim, yellow lights illuminating Changkyun’s way back home. The echos of his soles hitting the cement ground underneath him ring in his ears and he feels as if he were part of a taunting song.

Cabs should still be running at this hour but a good walk would be great to clear his mind or at least let him settle down a bit.

On the contrary, Changkyun finds himself even more worried. He wished more than anything that Kihyun and Minhyuk could be here with him now, soothing away his worries like they always do. He wishes he could feel their caring caresses instead of fighting his inner demons on his own. He needs their words, the ones that brought him this far. This was so hard. This is so hard...

Changkyun stands in front of white porch steps illuminated by the lights coming from inside. He takes in a deep breath. Each step he took felt heavier than the last until he was finally there, one step from the front door. It took a moment but his hand presses the doorbell, finally.

It was barely a millisecond before the door swings open, revealing a young man Changkyun once knew. Flashes of emotions brush across Jooheon’s face before he ends up smiling brightly with arms extended.

“Changkyun,” he breathes and it takes everything in Changkyun not to break down into tears right there. Instead, he takes Jooheon up on his offer and crashes his body into his.

They stay like that for a while, Jooheon hugging Changkyun as the latter clings to him. It wasn’t until Jooheon pulls away and closes his front door does Changkyun begin to feel self-conscious again. He expects a barrage of questions from the friend he left years ago when Jooheon needed him most. He’s ready to answer all the questions that Jooheon may have. He’s ready to let the deepest parts of him be known.

Except, he wasn’t ready for this one.

“Did you eat yet?” Jooheon asks.

Just now Changkyun notices a small apron tied around Jooheon’s waist. Eat? Changkyun thinks to the last time he ate. It was one of Kihyun’s pastries from the shop. Neither Minhyuk nor Kihyun letting him leave until he ate, “something at least!”

“N-no,” Changkyun’s throat was dry and a hand lifts up to rub at his neck in embarrassment.

“Good,” Jooheon smiles as he heads towards the kitchen. Changkyun’s been here many times before. He knows where the kitchen is, he knows how many chairs sit at the dining table and he knows where they keep their cups, spoons, and plates. “I’m just about to finish dinner,” Jooheon says, “Would you like something to drink?”

Everything seemed the same yet different. Was this truly something that only happened in his head. Did nothing change at all? All this time coming to terms that he wasn’t the one to blame, was it all in vain?

“What’s the matter?” Jooheon gives a breathy chuckle as he puts the freshly cooked food on a plate, “Did you forget where the cups and drinks were?”

Changkyun chokes on air, bringing a hand up to subtle the cough. “No, no,” he says as he opens a cupboard and pulls out two cups.

Jooheon laughs, a short and happy chuckle that says, I’m glad you didn’t forget. I’m glad you didn’t forget me.

The two sit at the dining table quietly eating their meals. It’s been years since they last spent their time like this. Years since they even properly looked at each other or bask in the other’s presence. Everything felt the same but something was off.

“Where are your parents?” Changkyun manages to cut through the silence.

Jooheon stills at the question before he visibly relaxes and continues to cut through his food, “They passed,” he says.

Changkyun’s free hand balls into fists. He’s such a selfish asshole, he’s such a fucking piece of shit leaving his friend whose life was falling apart. Fuck. If only he’d been there for Jooheon instead of a cowardly fucking idiot, hiding and cowering at every confrontation.

“It’s kind of a funny story,” Jooheon says, his voice airy.

“I’m sorry,” Changkyun’s voice was stronger, serious and sincere, “For so much Jooheon.”

His eyes said everything he needed to. All the questions he wanted to ask, buried deep in his dark brown irises. Every single word Jooheon wanted to say shut behind his lips.

Could he finally let go?

“I didn- I” Jooheon breathes, shaking hands drop his utensils.

“Aren’t you furious at me?” Changkyun asks, “Isn’t there anything that you’re curious about since I’ve been gone? At all?”

Jooheon blinks at his dinner as if it had just told him a secret that changed his life forever, “I just didn’t want you to leave again.”

Fuck. Changkyun pulls himself from his seat, startling Jooheon.

His glossy eyes watch Changkyun cross the short table and land in his lap. He watches as Changkyun wraps his arms tightly around his head and that is when Jooheon begins to cry.

It had felt like a million hours before Jooheons sobs began to simmer to short little hiccups and Changkyun’s grip softened to something more comforting, something more, something other. Something lovingly.

“Tell me,” Changkyun’s voice was nothing more than breaths at the tip of Jooheon’s hair but he was heard nonetheless through the vibrations in his chest.

“H-hey,” Jooheon’s voice picks up a little stronger than it was before even though it was riddled with hiccups and scratches from crying for so long. “I’m still older than you, you know? This is embarrassing for me.”

Changkyun releases his hold on Jooheon, pulling his chest away from Jooheon’s face. At the sight of the older’s red cheeks and puffed lips and eyes, Changkyun belts out a loud chuckle, startling the man beneath him.

Jooheon looks up with big eyes just in time to catch the brightest smile Changkyun’s let out in a long, long time. A smile decides to settle on Jooheon’s lips as he watches his bestfriend laugh himself to fits on his lap.

“Yes, Hyung,” Changkyun pulls teasingly, playfully at the tongue on his lips.

“Wow,” Jooheon sighs, raising his hands to cover his face, “This is so embarrassing... so embarrassing...”

Changkyun didn’t comment on the cold feeling he felt after Jooheon’s hands left his waist and he doesn’t comment on his very own hands still resting on Jooheon’s shoulders, or the fact that he was still sitting on Jooheon’s lap, or the red that bit Jooheon’s ears. Instead, he chooses to just remember this moment, how it is now.

“How could I cry the same night you come home?” Jooheon continues, letting his head fall and that last word hit in every corner of Changkyun’s head. “Bawling like a child. Forgive me.”

At those words, Changkyun becomes sullen again.

“Don’t say that,” Changkyun’s voice dulls, pulling up the eyes of the older man in search for something, an answer possibly but all he saw was hurt.

The self-torment that Changkyun had put himself through for so many years clearly visible in his eyes. The permeated thoughts of self-hate and blame reside in the frown of his lips. The never knowing shown through the trembles of his hands.

Jooheon decides that maybe it’s time to let Changkyun explain. Even after hoping that all could be forgotten and left in the past after Changkyun showed up again, he knew with just one look that Changkyun would never let that happen. Not after all that he put himself through.

“Why did you leave?” Jooheon asks, every part of his body aching as he said those words.

“It was hard for me,” Changkyun answers. His voice was tired. After all, he had rehearsed this in his mind so many times, “It was so hard for me to never know when you were going to wake up. To think about the way you would look at me, knowing that everything was my fault. Hyung... when I woke up and saw you beside me that night, I-” his voice shook with tremors, bordering another heartbreaking session, “I begged for that to be me instead. I prayed to every god I knew.”

Jooheon watches the child he knew since birth shake violently with tears. Nothing could be said.

“Hyung,” Changkyuns voice breaks with the weight of his words, “I held you and I-I watched you bleed from the back of your head. I felt... I felt like I was in hell. Everything was so hot and h-hurt so much. They took so long to get here. They took too long... it should’ve been me... it should’ve... I’m sorry. It hurt too much.”

At this point, Changkyun’s head fit softly into the crook of Jooheon’s neck as he cried, screaming in agony and acceptance, tearing through each word with so much pain. Jooheon holds him close, shivering into his body as he had done when he was younger.

Yes. Changkyun was always one to hide, to cower and run away. Even at a young age, Jooheon wanted to protect Changkyun. He still does. He always will. Jooheon knew this from the very beginning. Now he even had to protect the poor boy from himself.

“You always were so prone to self-blame,” Jooheon sighs, “You were only fifteen, Kyun. No one at that age should’ve had those thoughts floating around in their head. Thank you.”

Changkyun shifts slightly, though still hugging Jooheon as tightly as he could.

“When I woke up, my parents were notified and they drove to the hospital during heavy rainfall. My father was driving and my mother was in the passenger seat. He couldn’t stop the car from skidding and they crashed. Due to the heavy rain, the ambulance took longer than usual and neither of them made it,” Jooheon stroke Changyun’s back gently, letting the memories wash through him, “After I received the news, all I could think about was that I only had you now but not even that was true. I felt like I had everything ripped from me the day I woke up but I always looked forward to the day you would return, crying and apologizing like you are now. Everything fell into place after I left the hospital and I took over father’s shop with the help of some family and friends.”

Changkyun’s stopped crying by now as he clung onto the older and listened to everything that had happened in the past seven years. His voice was soothing and calm but the contents were bullets to Changkyun. He felt confused. Why, after all of these things, why was Jooheon so okay with it all?

“I never questioned why you disappeared,” Jooheon says. “After so long, I made peace with what happened. I knew you would always be out there. I’m sorry I couldn’t go looking for you. Everything I have goes towards the shop, this house, and the hospital bill. You gave me hope to live for another day so don’t beat yourself up for being a moody emotional teenager, begging me to pick you up from a shitty day, okay?”

Jooheon pulls Changkyun away from the nook of his neck and shoulder to face him, make him look properly into his eyes. “It was never anyone’s fault, okay?”

Changkyun felt dazed. Like this haze of comfort was a new and foreign feeling.

“If you really want to make it up to me, just stay by my side from now on, aright? Don’t leave me like that again. At least, if you decide to, let me know,” Jooheon smiles, letting his dimple wink playfully at Changkyun. “Now, tell me what you’ve been up to for all these years.”

Slowly, Changkyun complies, telling Jooheon about how he met Minhyuk and his lover Kihyun. How he started working at Kihyun’s bakery and how Minhyuk forced him to go to school again. How the two helped build his new sense of confidence and how they helped give him a new home. He omits a few things like dating the few boys at his university or his wild nights out, maybe he could save those for other days.

As he told his stories, Jooheon looked on in adoration at the man in his arms and gratefulness to the couple that helped him back on his feet. Never had he ever felt so at home than when he was listening to Changkyun speak with so much love and passion.

Jooheon knew that as Changkyun told his stories, he would never give up on trying to make up for himself and Jooheon was okay with that. He was planning on helping him love himself as much as he loved him and they loved each other as well. Changkyun just didn’t know it yet.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please comment and give kudos if you liked it! If you didn't, comment below what could've been better! Thanks for your time!


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